....You're A Bottom, Right???

Time for another small rant.


It somewhat bothers me from time to time, especially when I'm out in the ATL scene, when dudes automatically assume that because I don't dress like thug trade, or because I actually dance in the club, or because of the fact that I'm not a very aggressive individual when it comes to approaching and talking to guys, or because of the fact that I'd very much rather order a martini or cocktail instead of a beer or a double-shot, that I MUST be a bottom. It aggravates me even more when friends, acquaintances, and associates field questions from individuals potentially interested in me, only to respond to the unavoidable question of "What is he?" (a question that they usually don't positively KNOW the answer to, b/c the circle of people privy to information on my sexual activities is very small, as well it should be) with the answer of "bottom" or "vers bottom"...


GRANTED, there are a few factors that do somewhat form an argument for the slight likelihood of this assumption:

1) We ARE in ATLANTA, GA... b.k.a. BOTTOMLAND. We attract 'em AND we create 'em... I think it's written a little more eloquently somewhere in the tourism literature. Every other nigga you see in this city throws his legs back, and I'm willing to put money on that.... this is what I KNOW, from EXPERIENCE. We definitely have a monopoly on the bottom game here.

2) I do have a history (because I refuse to accept the stigma that comes along with the term "reputation") of being a bottom BY ACTION in MANY, but not necessarily most, of my past relationships and casual encounters (Craigslist SHOUTOUT!). This however, means very little... a woman who rides the train to work everyday isn't automatically labeled as someone who CAN'T drive. She just chooses not to for whatever reason, given her current circumstance.


But the ultimate point I'm trying to make with this post is that the way that someone chooses to dress, act, look, speak, etc., should NOT be ENTIRELY indicative of their sexual role. Vice versa, an individual who chooses to assume a certain sexual role, shouldn't feel obligated to dress, act, look, speak, etc., a certain way. I definitely don't.

I've gone too many years trying to play the STRAIGHT game, then the D/L game, and now I'm quite comfortable in my own skin playing the PRINCEY game, doing what I want to do because I have the free will and reign to do exactly that. I don't have to conform to preset standards or expectations, nor am I subject to stereotypical probabilities. For example... YES, I get my eyebrows arched. Because I WANT to. Because I like the way that they look (and if you've seen me back in the day before I started getting them done, you feel my pain... Sesame Street Bert & Ernie game PROPER). But does that mean I'm automatically supposed to let you bend me over the back of a chair and allow you to just go the fuck awff?? Does that mean I don't still like to take the lead and do the fucking from time to time?? But does that make me any less of a man?? Is my masculinity defined in part or in whole by two patches of hair above my eyes?? I can assure you, the answer to all of these questions is NO.


We've created our own system of oppressive discrimination within our community.... ridiculous stereotypes that we foster, encourage, and perpetuate. A class system within our own lifestyle--one that hierarchizes sexual roles and identities, holding steadfast to the idea that MASCULINITY, as defined by society at large and the heterosexual community, is still most desirable and ideal. We've got to stop doing these things and learn to move away from what we've come to know all too well through the impositions of "normal" society, and begin to embrace the openness and variety of our own community. There's nothing wrong with preference, but there is a problem with unnecessarily and unwarrantedly pigeonholing, criticizing, persecuting, & condemning individuals simply because of their appearance or actions.


*Steps down off of soapbox*