I recently recieved via my e-mail inbox a list of questions from a friend, meant to serve as a sort of self-analytical survey for both single gay men and gay men currently in relationships.
At first glance, the questions seemed pretty easy and straight-forward, and I almost knew immediately what my answer or reaction would be to each one. As I sat down and actually began to examine each question a little more deeply, I realized how much more difficult it actually was, partly because of the fact that I've been in a couple of these situations before (some with more than one dude, smh), so I was stuck in the middle of the choosing my past reactions, the typical and/or ideal reaction, and the reaction that I would give in my current state of being.... needless to say, it's definitely a great self-examination tool.
Let's take a look, shall we....
1. What if you come home early one day and find a built and buffed good looking sexy brother watching television with your partner.... you've never seen him before, and you don't know this man from Adam?
One thing that I really appreciate about myself is the fact that I'm much more internally reactive than I am likely to just jump off the handle and make a big deal out of something that could potentially be nothing. As such, I would probably be going through a bunch of shit in my MIND (and my expressions / mannerisms / body language would probably be expressive of that), but I'd introduce myself and give him and/or my dude the opportunity to tell me who he is. I'm not really an insecure type, so the fact that he's attractive and has a nice body wouldn't bother me.
I'd have to step back and think of the best and smartest way to approach the situation, as far as confronting him goes. I'd probably just flat-out ask him about it, calmly and in a private setting. There's really no explanation for anything like that. Knowing how I get in these types of situations though, it would probably be in his best interests to be honest about it than to try and lie or sidestep things.
7. What if you find out that your partner has been having sex with your best friend, or with HIS best friend?
This is one of those situations where irrationality tends to work its way into one's mental state, primarily because it deals with an EXTREME violation of love and trust. I've been in a similar situation (where a BF fucked a family member of mine), and back then I was very young and naive, and I placed alot of the blame on myself (stupid, I know). As a result, I (unwarrantedly) dealt with a lot of guilt and depression behind the whole situation. ME being who I am TODAY, and already knowing the emotional pain of a situation like this, I would probably want to physically hurt both of them. There aren't alot of things that I think could drive me to physical violence, just from being a rational and levelheaded individual. But this definitely falls in the GO THE FUCK OFF category. That's an automatic deal-breaker.... relationship OVER. Get ALL yo shit.
8. What if your partner, who has only been a top or bottom in your relationship, all of a sudden wants to flip and do the opposite?
I'm vers, and I want to say it wouldn't be a problem for me, but it gets a little complicated here.... I've been in relationships where I've assumed the top role b/c my partner was either a total bottom or a vers bottom, and likewise I've been in relationships where I've assumed the bottom role b/c my partner was either a total top or a vers top. The type of guy that I'm attracted to as a bottom, is NOT AT ALL the same type of guy I'm attracted to as a top. I like a little cunt in the guys that I top, that's just kinda my preference. I don't really see anything all that appealing about fucking the brains out of some super-manly "guy's guy" type (all my friends think I'm weird b/c of this, and think it has something to do with the fact that I did, once upon a time, fuck fish). Likewise, I don't want a queen climbing my back. I'd much rather bottom for a masculine man.
Stay tuned guys, I'll probably have another Sizzle Report for u tomorrow morning....
1. What if you come home early one day and find a built and buffed good looking sexy brother watching television with your partner.... you've never seen him before, and you don't know this man from Adam?
One thing that I really appreciate about myself is the fact that I'm much more internally reactive than I am likely to just jump off the handle and make a big deal out of something that could potentially be nothing. As such, I would probably be going through a bunch of shit in my MIND (and my expressions / mannerisms / body language would probably be expressive of that), but I'd introduce myself and give him and/or my dude the opportunity to tell me who he is. I'm not really an insecure type, so the fact that he's attractive and has a nice body wouldn't bother me.
2. What if you over-hear your partner on the phone telling someone that he can't wait to see him later?
That would be an issue for me, honestly. BUT, I would give him a chance to explain.
That would be an issue for me, honestly. BUT, I would give him a chance to explain.
3. What if you find condoms and a half-empty bottle of lube in your partner's gym bag that's different from the kind you know he usually uses with you?
I'd have to step back and think of the best and smartest way to approach the situation, as far as confronting him goes. I'd probably just flat-out ask him about it, calmly and in a private setting. There's really no explanation for anything like that. Knowing how I get in these types of situations though, it would probably be in his best interests to be honest about it than to try and lie or sidestep things.
4. What if you see your partner out with another man you don't know? You are surprised to see him because he told you he was going to be at his parent's house, working late, etc.
Another problematic situation. The fact that he felt he had to lie about it in the first place already sets off a ton of red flags, as far as the full extent of his relationship with this individual. Once again, I would provide him the opportunity to explain, but it would definitely be a very passive-aggressive confrontation.... showing my ass in public isn't something I'm too fond of doing (though I will if and when necessary).
5. The desire for sex with your partner is gone & there is no longer a spark in your sex life. How do you handle this?
There are lots of options out there.... movies, toys, and the like. I'd try to spice things up with him by trying some new and different things, but if that still didn't work, we'd have to talk about things to possibly uncover a solution, and to reassure him that I am still being and will remain faithful to him. My main concern would be him growing suspicious of me possibly messing around with someone else, as most of us do whenever the sex thing tends to change up with our partners. But I'm a highly sexual individual, so I doubt I'd ever be able to NOT perform, even if I wasn't entirely attracted to my partner sexually.
6. What if your partner stays out all night long and comes home in the morning and doesn't say anything about where he's been?
Assuming we're living together.... BIG problem. That's an automatic cuss-out. I can already see that argument brewing in my mind. That is probably one of the MOST disrespectful things you can do in a relationship. It just SCREAMS suspicious. I mean, where the fuck would you be that you would feel it okay to NOT inform me of where you were, who you were with, or what you were up to FROM THE NIGHT TO THE MORNING??? Hellllll no. Never been down this road before on the receiving end, but I would flip the fuck out if it did happen because I've been on the other side as the offender and I KNOW what the fuck I was out there doing.
5. The desire for sex with your partner is gone & there is no longer a spark in your sex life. How do you handle this?
There are lots of options out there.... movies, toys, and the like. I'd try to spice things up with him by trying some new and different things, but if that still didn't work, we'd have to talk about things to possibly uncover a solution, and to reassure him that I am still being and will remain faithful to him. My main concern would be him growing suspicious of me possibly messing around with someone else, as most of us do whenever the sex thing tends to change up with our partners. But I'm a highly sexual individual, so I doubt I'd ever be able to NOT perform, even if I wasn't entirely attracted to my partner sexually.
6. What if your partner stays out all night long and comes home in the morning and doesn't say anything about where he's been?
Assuming we're living together.... BIG problem. That's an automatic cuss-out. I can already see that argument brewing in my mind. That is probably one of the MOST disrespectful things you can do in a relationship. It just SCREAMS suspicious. I mean, where the fuck would you be that you would feel it okay to NOT inform me of where you were, who you were with, or what you were up to FROM THE NIGHT TO THE MORNING??? Hellllll no. Never been down this road before on the receiving end, but I would flip the fuck out if it did happen because I've been on the other side as the offender and I KNOW what the fuck I was out there doing.
7. What if you find out that your partner has been having sex with your best friend, or with HIS best friend?
This is one of those situations where irrationality tends to work its way into one's mental state, primarily because it deals with an EXTREME violation of love and trust. I've been in a similar situation (where a BF fucked a family member of mine), and back then I was very young and naive, and I placed alot of the blame on myself (stupid, I know). As a result, I (unwarrantedly) dealt with a lot of guilt and depression behind the whole situation. ME being who I am TODAY, and already knowing the emotional pain of a situation like this, I would probably want to physically hurt both of them. There aren't alot of things that I think could drive me to physical violence, just from being a rational and levelheaded individual. But this definitely falls in the GO THE FUCK OFF category. That's an automatic deal-breaker.... relationship OVER. Get ALL yo shit.
8. What if your partner, who has only been a top or bottom in your relationship, all of a sudden wants to flip and do the opposite?
I'm vers, and I want to say it wouldn't be a problem for me, but it gets a little complicated here.... I've been in relationships where I've assumed the top role b/c my partner was either a total bottom or a vers bottom, and likewise I've been in relationships where I've assumed the bottom role b/c my partner was either a total top or a vers top. The type of guy that I'm attracted to as a bottom, is NOT AT ALL the same type of guy I'm attracted to as a top. I like a little cunt in the guys that I top, that's just kinda my preference. I don't really see anything all that appealing about fucking the brains out of some super-manly "guy's guy" type (all my friends think I'm weird b/c of this, and think it has something to do with the fact that I did, once upon a time, fuck fish). Likewise, I don't want a queen climbing my back. I'd much rather bottom for a masculine man.
WITH THAT SAID, if I enter into a relationship with you and you're trade down, I don't wanna roll over one day and see you passing me a condom with your cakes tooted up. On the same token, a queen shouldn't EVER expect to be able to roll me over and throw my legs back. Neither one of these situations is attractive or desirable to me. Now, the solution to this.... entering into a vers-vers relationship with somebody who embodies traits from both sides (not too cunt, not too masculine, just sort of middle-of-the-road, like myself). In such a case, I wouldn't see a problem with the question above... in fact, I'd probably encourage it from day one, because what's better than sharing and experiencing both ends of the spectrum with someone you love??
9. What if your partner wants you to attend a sex party with him? What about a swingers party? What about a bathhouse?
Sex party??? What the fuck??? I did my fair share of foolishness in my ho stage, so I already know what goes down @ sex parties. I don't plan on participating and neither do you, so what the fuck is the point??? Something like that would definitely make me question my partner and whether or not we're in the same place mentally, as well as whether or not he's satisfied with our relationship, sexually or otherwise. NOT HAPPENING.
A swingers party..... same as the above. NO DEAL.
A bathhouse, on the other hand, could be interesting and fun for a couple. I wouldn't be 100% closed to the idea, but I would definitely be watching his actions and reactions very closely the entire time. Not to mention the nigga would NOT leave my sight for ONE second.
Stay tuned guys, I'll probably have another Sizzle Report for u tomorrow morning....
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