Sizzle Report: FUCK Loews Hotel.

This one is a little long, but it’s important for me to properly develop the story so you won’t be too lost. You can’t even imagine how fucking LIVID I am right. Read on…

  

I planned on going to Sizzle this year with a few friends, who eventually backed out after I wound up finalizing my OWN travel & hotel arrangements (since I knew I’d be working this dance camp the same week Sizzle starts). So I did my best to try talking a few other friends into coming along…enter Chioke and Sky (two stand-up guys that I’ve been dancing with for the last 4-5 yrs).

Chioke & Sky drove down Friday morning. Before my departure for Baton Rouge earlier this week, I left the bags that I packed specifically for Miami with them, since they were driving down, so that I could save myself money in baggage check fees and avoiding the hassle of the whole baggage claim / lost luggage fiasco coming from New Orleans.

Upon their arrival in Miami on Friday (and unbeknownst to ME), Chioke goes to the front desk at the Loews, and somehow manages to convince the staff that he’s ME (how he did this w/o  my ID or the credit card with which I reserved my room, I have absolutely no idea, but he has always been a charmer / go-getter / “find a way or make one” type), so that he can get the key to my room in order to put my bags and belongings in there.

Meanwhile, I drove to New Orleans for my flight to Miami, and here I am at the airport, pissed beyond belief that I missed my 7:20 flight. The next flight to Miami is in the early AM (around 6am… over 10 hrs away). So I call the Loews Hotel to notify them of my delayed arrival. I speak with a young gentleman who sounded very frenzied and overwhelmed, as I imagine would be the case for anybody working a hotel front desk in Miami smack dab in the middle of Sizzle. I informed him that I had a reservation and was supposed to check in this evening, but due to unforeseen circumstances surrounding my flight arrangements, I would be checking in the next morning at the latest. He assured me that this would be no problem and that he had made note of the situation on my account bulletin.

Now… let me sit down and breathe.

I got a room at a nearby hotel with SilentPartner (who stayed with me to make sure I made my flight, which I didn't). More on him later. The next morning, I catch my flight (which was DELAYED by about two and a half hours, PLUS it was a connecting flight instead of a direct flight), and I arrive in Miami around 3pm. I’m greeted by Chioke and Sky at the airport, and we make our way down to the hotel, so I can check-in and change before we hit the strip and grab a quick bite to eat. Time Check:  approximately 4pm. After standing at the front desk for a good 20 minutes waiting for the desk agent to check me in (all the while being sized up and eyed-down by the various trade types parading in and out of the lobby), a manager comes out and explains the situation to me.

Now, it appears that the individual I spoke to on the phone (who had JUST been hired… no surprise there…) went into the system and made note of my call on the WRONG account. Come to find out, once he discovered his mistake and went back in to try and correct it, he saw that I was checked in (thanks to Chioke).  Assuming that that was yet ANOTHER mistake that HE had made, he proceeds to reverse the “checked-in” status of my room. Problem #1.

APPARENTLY. My account was flagged as a no-show cancellation, which is automatically done by the system following hotel policy once a 24 hour period transpires after the original check in time (WHICH IS CLEARLY POSTED ON THE HOTEL WEBSITE AS BEING 4PM, BUT THIS FUCK-ASS MANAGER TELLS ME THAT DURING BUSY WEEKENDS SUCH AS THIS, THE CHECK-IN TIME IS 12PM). As a result, my deposit (half the rate for FOUR FUCKING DAYS IN THIS EXPENSIVE ASS HOTEL) is non-refundable AND an additional full one-night room rate is charged to my credit card. Problem #2.

Additionally, since Miami was SUCH the hot commodity this weekend, there is a WAITING LIST that actually ANTICIPATES reservation cancellations, and hotel management fills them immediately, so as not to have any vacant rooms or lose any money during such a busy weekend. Needless to say, my room was clearly resold. Problem #3.

Since the room was in the system as a no-show cancellation, once housekeeping was sent up to prepare the room for the next check-in around 9am that morning, my belongings were discovered and were DISCARDED, “as is customary with the discovery of any instance of illegal occupation; and since the room hadn’t been occupied since the previous week and had gone several routine housekeeping walk-throughs to insure its suitable condition since then, housekeeping reported the room as being occupied illegally.” MEGA-ULTRA-RING-THE-ALARM PROBLEM NUMBER FUCKING FIVE.

So basically, I’m in Miami, NO ROOM, down $600, and all I have is a suitcase of toiletries, shoes, and “regular” outfits. ALL my cute shit is GONE. ALL my cute underwear = GONE. Some of my FAVORITE tops and jeans, GONE. Belts, fitteds, sunscreen, smell-good… ALL FUCKING GONE.

The manager I was dealing with (the front desk manager) was somewhat understanding and compassionate about the whole situation… at first. The more irate and unbelievably outraged I became (as the story gradually unfolded before my eyes, and I became evident of the reality of the situation), the more that understanding and compassion began to fade. Now, the general manager, on the other hand, was a COMPLETE asshole about the whole thing from JUMP. Clearly his M.O. was trying to squeeze every dollar he could out of the situation. Even after acknowledging that the whole situation was no fault of my own, but was caused by the blunders and negligence of HIS staff, the only consolation he could offer me was that “the young man who you spoke with on yesterday evening will no longer be employed with us, rest assured.” WHAT THE HELL?? I don’t give two halves of a fuck if his ass gets promoted to Senior VP of Operations, I just want MY ROOM AND/OR MY MONEY… and I actually feel like you owe me BOTH at this point, just for the hassle and headache.

So OF COURSE by this point I am loud, borderline-ignant, and BEYOND infuriated in this hotel lobby. I came this close to pulling a Missy Elliot on Punk’d and jumping up on the front desk counter and showing my motherfucking ass… but much to my chagrin, Chioke and Sky calm me down and pull me back into a semi-sane state. I get on the phone with one of the regional sales managers for the hotel, and after hearing the GMs rundown and hearing my side, he agrees to refund my deposit and the additional rate charge. He also offers a free night’s stay at any Loews Hotel in North America, which I not-so-politely decline. At this point I have absolutely NO intention of EVER patronizing this ass-backwards ass hotel chain EVER again in life. I ask about how he intends to handle the loss of my belongings, and he informs me that I would have to contact the claims division through the corporate office, during normal M-F business hours. After a brief exchange of words, I'm so frustrated, angry and completely OVER this situation thatI decide to just walk away. Right after cussing out EVERYBODY behind the front desk.

So, the money element is taken care of. I can breathe a little easier. But I’m still left with the burden of having NO room and NO clothes for the next 4 days. Sky and Chioke to the rescue!!! They decide to forgo the biggest sausage fest this side of the Mississippi on Miami Beach to take me around the HUGE ass city of Miami, trying to find malls and a Wal-Mart (for underwear & beaters). We find a Wally World about 20 mins away, and then we hit up Aventura Mall (which definitely ranks high among my favorite malls in the US) and I felt like a fucking game show contestant trying to find decent shit to wear in that big ass mall with only a few hours to shop.

From there we went to Wet Willie's and got nice and bent amongst the sea of foolishness... the girls know how to take over a city, that's for damn sure. An interesting debate ensued amongst two nearby tables in regard to penis size, which ultimately escalated into a read-fest turned argument, so we made our way to the door so as not to be witnesses to or victims of any stray windmilling. Now here I lay, sprawled across the bed in Chioke & Sky's room. Typing up this ridiculous foolishness. After re-upping on clothing and essentials, I feel like I’m ready to jump back into action now and make the most of what’s left of this weekend. I had no intentions of sharing a room w/ two other niggaz, which is PRECISELY why I went so hard trying to charm the lady to get the GREAT deal I got on my room. But it is what it is. Clearly this means no ho activity THIS weekend. Blah. Unless…

Nah. That's just trife. And I've known them for too long. This is just the first day....

And I STILL ain't seen my bitch LeTroy yet. Where u at, hoe??? Put down the peen and call me!! Time to hop in the shower and start getting ready for our nightlife excursion this evening. ALCOHOL = MY BEST FRIEND FOR THE NEXT 3 DAYS. Get the fuck in.