Last night's Coonfest definitely isn't something that I want to remember. But sadly, I'm pretty sure I always will. The botched ceremony-turned-janky MJ tribute was nothing short of FOOLISH. I don't know why I allowed myself to buy into the whole "great expectations" hype, because after all, this IS the same network that shows straight-to-video black films on a nightly basis. Any channel willing to show Tiny & Toya and Pastor Kerney Thomas within the same 24 hour timespan is clearly committed to the devil's work *DIRECT GLANCE @ DEBRA LEE*.
Since it would take me all day to give a clear and comprehensive rundown of the event's 5+ hours of claptrap and foolery, I'll attempt to find the silver lining in this cloud and offer up my own partially positive (but mostly negative) recap, entitled "The Good, Bad, Ugly, & Just Plain Fucking Foolish: Fuckery Edition."
Good:
- Alicia Keys. She looked amazing, and the work she's done/doing is remarkable.
- The New Edition reunion/tribute. Don't know about you, but I got MY life.
- Jamie's print.
- Keri's performance (we'll just pretend that last 30 seconds didn't happen).
- Dawn & Kalenna getting a little A-List shine in their J-List world, from the front row.
- The MJ tribute performances..... Ne-Yo, Ciara, and Jamie all did a great job.
- Lebron actually being on some grown man shit for a change.
- The O'Jays tribute via Tyrese, Eddie's REAL baby mama, and Trey Songz.
- Mary Mary + Queen La. Who said tolerance doesn't exist in the gospel world?? Hell, look at Ricky Dillard, DeWayne Woods, Donald Lawrence...... Ok. I'll stop.
- AARON. HALL. Even though he sounded the fool, just seeing him made my nuts drop.
Bad:
- Cudi's "Fresh Outta Rehab" look.
- Pleasure P, just all around. From the Zara wardrobe, to the Beginner's Hip-Hop Class dancers, and the wack ass "I'll just speak this part I'm supposed to be singing" vocal performance....
- The horrible interview skills of these red carpet correspondents.
- The fact that the first time we actually heard NOMINEE'S announced was when Bey won.... yall betta make sure these other late hoes know WHY they couldn't take a day.
- Ginuwine and his Easter '97 suit.
- Keysh The Beast's vocals. But that was expected.
- The fact that Jamie was able to do 30 mins of standup, perform 7 times, and fuck half the seat fillers backstage in between awards.
- Don Cornelius's senile ass being sent up there without his primary caregiver.
Ugly:
- Deborah Lee and her Ru San's inspired seaweed wrap dress.
- Neyo's thug ass "girlfriend" .....she gave me Cleo meets Ronnie from Player's Club teas.
- Jeremih's tuxedo-sweatpants.
- Drake channeling his inner Bert + Wednesday Adams with those eyebrows and that blood-drained complexion.
- Beyonce snatching the most boring piece out of her tour setlist and dropping it on the stage. C'mon, Bey. We expect more from you.
- Taraji's DRUNK. ASS.
- KERI'S. DRESS.
- Ryan Leslie and his Ten Commandments jacket.
- JiggaMan blowing up ATL during his performance.
- TEVIN. CAMPBELL.
- Tiny accepting T.I.'s award and having to tiptoe to reach the mic.
Just Plain Fucking Foolish:
- Rocsi's Disco Christmas dress w/ corresponding Deena Jones "One Night Only" nappy lacefront on the red carpet.
- Big Mike of Gay26 getting his "Back That Ass Up" on w/ MAJOR crackage showing.
- Big Mike's inability to find anything in his size. He wore Willie's small ass t-shirt on the red carpet and Q's tight ass vest during the show.
- Tyra and her My First Lacefront.
- BEYONCE'S "I JUST FINISHED A 3 HR TRACK MEET" RAGGEDY ASS EDGES.
- T-Pain taking the stage w/ a half-empty bottle of Nuvo, continuing to drink during his performance, and then proceeding to empty the remaining contents into a red cup and take his seat in the audience.
- TINY AND TOYA EVEN BEING THERE, PERIOD.
- The BET censors and all the slips throughout the show..... though I must say, the most entertaining was Eddie Levert. "Snow was blowing, and wind was blowing, and people was dancing and shit...."
All in all, a pretty fucked up negroidian production, if I may say so myself. I need to go watch The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman to cleanse my spirit. *calls Comcast to cancel cable subscription*
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