This could possibly be one of the most endearing blogs I’ve ever written.
My life has been an incredibly chaotic rollercoaster over the course of the past month. I’d become emotionally numb and withdrawn, not because of what’s happened, but because it’s the only way I know how to deal with the major shit that goes on in my life. Avoidance is always my go-to when things get emotionally sticky for me. I was convinced that it was for the better, because attempting to tackle this one head-on would have been a disaster for my mental and emotional well-being, and could have proven to be potentially hazardous for the physical health of others.
I think the worst part of being in this situation was the whole feeling of not understanding how or why. Disbelief, hurt, anger, confusion, all piled on top of an already heaping plate of stresses and obligations.... it’s definitely a testament to how strong and resilient of an individual that I truly am. And will continue to be.
Oh, but then there came a small glimpse of hope into my life. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better or any worse, I was met with a reminder of how good things could be. And it came at one of the most unlikely times in one of the most unlikely settings.... I feel almost immediately revived and elated to have rediscovered a particular contentment in life that I thought I’d never again be able to relive. It’s really amazing how life throws things at you one after the other, in an almost cynically sardonic pattern.... meeting you in a dark and sinister place with a bright floodlight of bliss and harmony. And it amazes me even more thoroughly how we’re able to drag ourselves out of the trenches in these situations—the same trenches we once thought bore no ease or rescue there from.
My life has been an incredibly chaotic rollercoaster over the course of the past month. I’d become emotionally numb and withdrawn, not because of what’s happened, but because it’s the only way I know how to deal with the major shit that goes on in my life. Avoidance is always my go-to when things get emotionally sticky for me. I was convinced that it was for the better, because attempting to tackle this one head-on would have been a disaster for my mental and emotional well-being, and could have proven to be potentially hazardous for the physical health of others.
I think the worst part of being in this situation was the whole feeling of not understanding how or why. Disbelief, hurt, anger, confusion, all piled on top of an already heaping plate of stresses and obligations.... it’s definitely a testament to how strong and resilient of an individual that I truly am. And will continue to be.
Oh, but then there came a small glimpse of hope into my life. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better or any worse, I was met with a reminder of how good things could be. And it came at one of the most unlikely times in one of the most unlikely settings.... I feel almost immediately revived and elated to have rediscovered a particular contentment in life that I thought I’d never again be able to relive. It’s really amazing how life throws things at you one after the other, in an almost cynically sardonic pattern.... meeting you in a dark and sinister place with a bright floodlight of bliss and harmony. And it amazes me even more thoroughly how we’re able to drag ourselves out of the trenches in these situations—the same trenches we once thought bore no ease or rescue there from.
Life is what it is.... an experience all its own. I continue to write in the pages of my life’s first manuscript. My story, with its ups and downs, its mistakes and lessons, its triumphs and its shortfalls, will undoubtedly be one to remember..... this much I know.
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